Sunday, July 15, 2012

Then Second Guessing Arrived

I've been called "the Jill, & the Jayne, of many trades".  
I think about that & wonder about it. 

Is it an obsessive compulsive creative brain at work never sinking fully into the abyss of one particular direction & focusing? 

Is it the on going fear of failure & total lack of confidence in myself that propels the object of any of my current desires & thus prevents me from ever truly experiencing gratification of the completion of one notion? 

Am I made up of all these wonderful opportunities that totally salt & pepper my world offering imaginative, inspiring & stimulating experiences that I could never pass up & sit cautiously back while this giant size manifestation called Life passes me over for something or someone else? 

I've decided, I am made up of a bunch of things, I can't be anything other than me & its Life Volunteering Me Freedom. 

So when the second guessing began, I cried for two hot sticky humid beautiful days & doubted every single path I've walked upon for the last 20 some years. 

Then I remembered a few words of wisdom by Eleanor Roosevelt,

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which 
you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

Could I be a Mother? I was always afraid. Could I ever be the Mom my Mom was to me? Would I ever fit in her shoes?

I never thought I could be a musician. Then one day, Rick said to me, 
"this weekend you have to play bass!" 

What if I had said, NO! I can't because I don't know how!!!???

Would I have ever learned how to play such a wonderful deep big sounding instrument? 
Would I have ever owned any of these beautiful glorious pieces?

Daion Bass photos my extremely talented photographer Sister, Dani DeSteven ;)  there's more where these came from;)

oooh, lala, sleek Rigel Acoustic Bass with DJ Shawn & Stay Tuned Radio, Portsmouth, NH! on the release of The New Album, THE CIRCUS

Would I have ever got to own a tour bus?

Would I have got to play on a kick ass true Album Listening Experience called,  The Circus ??    

Would I have had the courage to write my own songs? 
Would I have played my songs for a community that suffered through the wake of Tropical Storm Irene?  

I would never have had some of the most amazing times of my life & I would have missed some turns on the path that leads to who I am. 

So, can I do this too? 
Can I still be a Mom, A Musician, A Photographer, A Yogi, A Baker & occasionally A Hairdresser?

How can I not? ;) 

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